dog's advice

My dog would probably give me some goofy advice bc shes just silly. She would say to run under the couch whenever we get out her leash for the kitchen. She would also say to beg and go crazy whenever Ashley starts getting dressed or gets her keys then maybe ashley would feel sorry for her and take her byebye. She would say to run from anyone when they try to grab her just for meanness. She would tell me to bark at anything and anyone bc everythings evil and shes huge enough to scare it away. she would also tell me when i have to go potty just wine at the door or if its 7 oclock in the morning and shes in the bed to aggrevate ashley with puppy kisses until she gets up. She would tell me to never share my toys bc i might not get them back for a while she has been teased badly. she would tell me to eat any human food if i get the chance that means snatch it out of their hands and run. She would tell me to dig and scratch when they forget to feed me or fill my water.